


I will stand in the dark for you

by KeeperofSeeds



Category: Sweeney Todd - Sondheim/Wheeler
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Childhood Trauma, Community: lgbtfest, Domestic, F/M, Ficlet, Gen, Healing, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Internalized Homophobia, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 16:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12279909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeeperofSeeds/pseuds/KeeperofSeeds
Summary: Anthony knows there's a reason Johanna feels safe with him - she knows he'll never touch her.





	I will stand in the dark for you

**Author's Note:**

> The original prompt (which has probably been sitting in my writing folder for actual years since I originally got it off LJ):  
> [Sweeney Todd, Johanna Barker/Anthony Hope, Anthony knows there's a reason Johanna feels safe with him - she knows he'll never touch her. ](http://community.livejournal.com/lgbtfest/107367.html?thread=1710439#t1710439)
> 
> A/N: I only marked asexual character in the tags but while writing I also started debate if in this story I could imagine Anthony as gay but in the closet for obvious period related homophobia. So you can read him as either or both if you want. Either thing could drive a man in his position to want to marry and thus drive off suspicions. On top of his canonical fascination with Johanna. But I like to imagine Johanna and he gradually do continue to heal and grow closer together and learn to live with their horrible experiences, and maybe eventually Anthony takes Johanna travelling. 
> 
> I also usually imagine the Patti Lupone & Michael Cerveris Broadway revival cast when I think of this show so take that or leave it.

 

Anthony has been at sea since he was a child. He quickly found his place among the sailors and through the years has risen in their ranks to Ordinary Seaman level and earned their respect. With months spent at sea, with no ports and therefore no women in sight, it wasn't uncommon for sailors to sometimes turn to the cabin boys to fulfill certain needs. ~~~~

Anthony never felt the need to avail himself of that particular tradition. His hand worked well enough to ease stress on the rare occasion he felt the desire to indulge, and he hated to see how some of the men fought the boys, let them with bruises and tear tracks. He couldn't do that to them.

* * *

The first moment Anthony sees Johanna thru her window, the light inside framing her like a beautiful work of art, he wants. He feels desire spread through him like a warm wind, carrying him forward, drawing him to calmer waters. Anthony appreciates beauty in all things. He wants to keep her locked away, safe and sound. Protect her and care for her. Admire her and learn her secrets. He wants to _know her._

* * *

Getting what you want isn't easy. Nor is it always wise.

* * *

**3 months later [post the events of the musical]**

 

Johanna gravitates between moods like a pendulum. One moment she clings to him, begging him not to leave her alone, the next she is curled in on herself, huddled in their large chaise, shaking uncontrollably with silent tears tracking down her face. Even in sadness she is beautiful. Like a broken doll, cheeks flushed and hair mussed from where she pulls at it when agitated.

Anthony is unsure how to react when she gets like this and is frustrates him. Growing up among men who prized toughness Anthony never had much of a reason or chance to learn how to comfort another person. Those early days of homesickness and crying for his mother were quickly crushed by the work load and by friendships with the other ships boys. He has no inkling how these things work with girls. Not that it would be much help with Johanna's unique childhood. She probably knew no more than he how girlhood friendships began or worked.

Trial and error is how he discovers what Johanna needs at times like this. Much depends upon Johanna herself. Some days bring tea and quiet conversations and silent tears as she allows him to sit or kneel beside her. Some days brings yelling and breaking glasses and her own gentle hands turned claw like in the attempt to dig out the horrors from under her own skin. Those wounds he can bandage. Not so much the others.

Hopefully this will be one of the times he will be allowed to soothe her fears and dry her tears.

* * *

After she's calmed, she allows herself to be steered back to the bedroom and sinks into the white linens gracefully, pulling them up as he hands her the nightcap she'd left tucked on her dresser. She grabs his hand rather than the cap.

"Would you like me to stay?" he asks, but after a moment she shakes her head no.  
Anthony kisses her knuckles, just to see the hint of a smile start in the corner of her lips, and straightens up, wishing her a good night.

* * *

They don't share a bed. Not often. Not yet. He is used to sleeping in close quarters with another body but Johanna has spent her life alone but for her watchful guardians for the most part. Only when the nightmares come do they light a fire in the grate and huddle together for warmth on the couch to ward of the dark shadows of memories past. Drawn together, lending each other strength to make it through the night, do they allow themselves to slip back into sleep.

* * *

Gradually they come together, like a midshipman's clumsy first attempts at braiding rope. Johanna learns to trust him, knows that he will not touch her more than she will bear. Not like in the asylum. Hands pawing at her, pulling and taking. 

He does not know which of her scars are from others and which are from her own hand trying to claw off the leftover feel their touch.

* * *

 One morning Anthony wakes to the smell of something burning. He rolls off the couch where he'd been sleeping, mind panicking at all the possibilities. Had Johanna dropped a candle, had a neighbor left a lantern lit that was now catching and putting them all at risk? A lifetime at sea had trained him to know just how deadly a fire could be.

He races into the kitchen, bare feet and bare chested, ready to have to sound out an alarm…before he skids to a stop.

Johanna is in the kitchen. Johanna is _cooking_. Or at least she is trying to. The smoke is coming from a pan full of something unidentifiable sitting next to the stove, where some of the meat he'd picked up from the butcher was sizzling away. But what's even more miraculous is…she's _humming_. Short tunes and long notes. It's nothing he can recognize, but it's the first time he's heard her come anywhere close to her old singing since the Asylum. He shuts his gaping mouth with a click that gets her attention.

"Oh," she says turning quickly to face him. "I didn't mean to wake you. I thought, well, because you didn't have to work today, that I might try to make us breakfast." She glances over at the smoking pan, and blushes. "The first try didn't go so well. It's been a long time since I had to cook all by myself, but I think I'm doing better now." She holds out a hand to their small second hand table. "Would you like to try some?"

He looks at the meat, which is starting to smell good and back down at his state of dress. "Perhaps after I make myself more presentable," he suggests and she puts one hand up to hide her smile as he leaves, but he sees it anyway.

This was going to be a good morning now, he could feel it. Maybe things were finally beginning to change for the better. Maybe Johanna would want to walk down to the bakery later. There were sweet rolls and gingerbread cookies there that he'd been thinking of buying her for the past few weeks, but it would be even better if she was there with him, arm in arm, picking out treats together.  

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrics below are from Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812  
> [I know you are capable of anything I know you so well my friend I know you might just run away What am I to do? Who do I ask for help? Is it all on me? Is it all on me? I will stand in the dark for you I will hold you back by force I will stand here right outside your door I won’t see you disgraced I will protect your name and your heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=72&v=_HHmHv26tao)


End file.
